Radio Catch22 London » February 2, 2012

Daily Archives: February 2, 2012

Diverse

Pilula de zambet

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Copilul cel mic al unei perechi casatorite

Copilul cel mic al unei perechi casatorite vede intamplator, cum tatal lui se giugiuleste cu menajera. Fuge repede la mama lui si ii povesteşte totul. Mama isi franeaza nervii si ii cere baiatului sa nu spuna nimanui nimic pana ii va zice ea.
Peste cateva zile, la onomastica bunicii, se aduna membrii familiei, in jur de 70 de persoane. Cheful este in toi, cand mama anunta faptul ca baiatul ei are de spus ceva.
Toata lumea crede ca este vorba de o poezie sau ceva învaţat la gradinita, dar copilul spune:
– Saptamana trecuta tata a intat in aceea camera unde menajera facea curatenie, a imbratisat-o, sarutat-o, a dezbracat-o de tot.
Bineinteles ca toata lumea s-a intors catre tata, care a devenit rosu ca racul. Baiatul continua apoi:
– Dupa ce a dezbracat-o, s-a dezbracat si el. S-au culcat, dupa care tata a inceput sa-i bage menajerei intre picioare … nu-mi vine in minte cum ii spune…
Baiatul se intoarce atunci catre mama lui, care era deja in culmea fericirii, si o intreaba:
– Mami, cum ii spune la acel lucru pe care tu il s*gi atunci cand vine la noi nenea Costica?

glume Bună ziua, aţi sunat la Salvarea privată. Pentru limba română apăsaţi 1. Pentru maghiară, apăsaţi 2. Pentru verificarea contului dumneavoastră de contribuţii la sistemul de sănătate, apăsaţi 3. Pentru informaţii despre ofertele speciale ale Salvării în perioada de Crăciun, Revelion şi Paşte, apăsaţi 4. Pentru informaţii în legătură cu starea dumneavoastră de sănătate, apăsaţi cu un deget pe încheietura mâinii şi număraţi până la 60. Acela e pulsul. Dacă îl mai aveţi, apăsaţi 5. Un operator va prelua apelul. Pentru îmbunătaţirea serviciului, vă informăm ca această convorbire poate fi înregistrată şi folosită într-o emisiune de tip talk show. Vă mulţumim!

xxx

Într-o dimineaţă la ţară, capul familiei le spune băieţilor:
– Azi noapte, nu ştiu care bulangiu, ne-a furat vaca…
Băiatul mai mic:
– Dacă-i bulangiu înseamnă că-i mic de statură.
Băiatul mijlociu:
– Dacă-i mic de statură, trebuie să fie Tică Slutu din Ţăndărei.
– Hai să mergem la Ţăndărei.
Au ajuns la Ţăndărei, l-au găsit pe Tică Slutu şi i-au tras o cafteală straşnică. Dar ăla nu le dă vaca – zice că n-a furat-o el. L-au mai caftit o dată dar tot degeaba. Au ajuns la judecată. Judecătorul îi întreabă:
– Dar de ce credeţi voi că e mâna lui Tică Slutu?
– Cum de ce, răspund fraţii, a furat vaca, deci e bulangiu. E bulangiu, deci e mic de statură. Daca e mic de statură, e din Ţăndărei, că acolo toţi sunt mici de statură. Iar dacă e din Ţăndărei, e clar că e Tica Slutu…
– Interesantă logică, zice Judecătorul. Dar ia spuneţi-mi voi ce am eu în cutiuţa asta?
– E o cutie pătrată – observă tatăl.
– Înseamnă că-năuntru e ceva rotund – zice mezinul.
– Dacă e rotund înseamnă că-i oranj – cugetă mijlociul.
– Daca-i oranj, e clar că-i o portocală – concluzionează fratele mai mare.
Judecătorul scoate din cutie o portocală şi adaugă uitându-se gânditor la Tică:
– Ascultă, Slutule, nu te mai încăpăţâna atâta. Dă-le ăstora vaca-napoi!

 

Control la vama

În vamă, maşina unui arab este percheziţionată în cele mai mici detalii până când deja exasperat, vameşul găseşte o pungă cu praf alb. O desface tacticos în faţa arabului, trage o limbă zemoasă prin conţinut şi rânjind către arab, spune:
– Cocaină,… cocaină!?
– Ah, nu, antrax!

 

CUM ITI DAI SEAMA CA AI TERMINAT FACULTATEA??? > – ai mai multa mancare decat bere in frigider. – 7:00 este ora la care te > trezesti si nu cea la care te duci la culcare. – iti asculti melodia > preferata in lift la serviciu. – prietenii tai se casatoresc si divorteaza > in loc “sa iasa la agatat” sau “sa o rupa”. – ajungi de la 90 de zile de > vacanta la doar 7. – “blugii” si puloverul nu mai fac parte din garderoba > ta. – rudele mai in varsta incep sa spuna bancuri deochiate in prezenta > ta. > – iti hranesti cainele “stiintific” in loc de “cu resturi”. – MTV nu mai > reprezinta prima sursa de informatie. – te duci la farmacie pentru > algocalmine si ulcerotrat in loc de prezervative si teste de sarcina

 

bancuri

Viata in UK. Londra

Jobs

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195-197 Victoria Street chiar vis-a-vis de statia de metrou Victoria.Tel 020 7233 9229

se cauta 6 femei pt cleaning in spital

munca este pt o saptamana, cu posibilitate de prelungire, se cere : N.I.N. si C.I.S. limba engleza nivel mediu, se ofera 6,30 pe ora inainte de taxe. pt mai multe info: eustonhospital@yahoo.com

 

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Arta de a fi TU

You are what you think

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you are what you thinkDid you know that on average we think around 60,000 to 80,00( thoughts every day? Staggering, isn’t it? This means that the quality of our thoughts is responsible for how we feel and behave.

That inner dialogue in your mind is responsible for your life-time’s autobiography. Your thinking can propel you to success or hold you back. So to change your life all you have to do is  change your thinking

Do you control your mind? Or does your mind control you? When you recognise that it is you that holds the reins, all things are possible.

The  way you feel on a day-to-day basis is determined solely by how you think. As far as your own life is concerned, it’s make or break. No two ways about it; life’s a battle – in varying degrees for all of us. We face disappointments, worries, frustrations, financial problems, talk of impending doom on the state of the planet, not to mention the trauma of dealing with that other “natural disaster” – human beings.

Although it is part of the human condition that we should naturally blame other people or our particular life ‘script’ for making us angry, stressed, sad, disgusted, anxious or whatever, in truth it’s our thoughts that dictate how we feel and determine our subsequent behaviour

You become what you think about – misery, pain, problems, love, kindness, hope? The answer to this question will, to a large extent, determine how you are going to feel.

How we cope with these everyday challenges and how troubled we become is purely down to the way we think about the situation. Through what ‘filter’ do we see the world?

To put it simply, if we’re unable to change other people and our particular life situation we can at least change something that’s within our control. We can use mind power – we can change the way we think, which in turn changes the way we feel about a situation.

So powerful is this neglected technique that it goes back to ancient times. Over the centuries the mantle was picked up by philosophers and other great thinkers. More recently – just over 50 years ago – the clinical psychologist Albert Ellis helped to raise awareness of the importance of changing unhealthy ‘nega­tive’ thinking with his Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT).

We’re fortunate that since the nineties we know so much more about the brain. We know that it’s the growth of the connec­tions between our neurons (brain cells) that is responsible for the growth of the brain. The more that the brain is used and ‘tested’ the more those neuron connections get stronger and multiply, forming even more connections. These important find­ings have revolutionised our understanding of how the mere act of ‘thinking’ changes the brain. You may have heard the term ‘plasticity’ in relation to how our experiences mould the brain.

Can there be anything more important than our thoughts? Thinking is something that is involved in everything that we do, something we engage in every day of our lives. Yet it’s some­thing most of us take for granted. Our mind is in use all the time but most people don’t give a thought (!) to their thinking process. Yet there can surely be no other topic as important as this, as it is at the heart of everything we do.

Just think about it. Look around you. Everything that you see began as a thought in somebody’s head. The design of that chair; the cover of that book; that alarm clock; the laptop that allows you to be away from the office or home. Let’s delve a little further into ‘bigger’ things: that computer (that spawned the aforementioned laptop); the invention of that communication medium, the telephone; taking the ‘landline’ for granted, the thought of a more ‘mobile’ device was pondered. What about the television over there? A product of the thought that the original miraculous cathode ray tube could be advanced to a flat screen. That aeroplane that’s able to effortlessly rise to 30,000 feet. . .

I ithink the point’s been made. All human endeavours in the fields of major inventions, medical advancements, nutritional discoveries, engineering, architecture, business – everything started out as a thought in someone’s head.

Furthmore, they chose to have the vision to pursue it rather than take the easy option of: ‘it’ll never work; it’s a ridiculous thoughtt; I haven’t got the confidence to . . .; things are okay as they are; others will laugh . . .; it can’t be done.’ And what about us as individuals? ‘I’m not good at that sort of thing . . .’ and so on

An I  stated earlier, the mind can propel us to do wonderful things or hold us back relentlessly.